The 10 PM Commandments

FOLLOWER: Moses, what news from God do you bring from the mountain?

MOSES: God has given us some directives on how we should live our lives. They are to be known as the ten commandments!

FOLLOWER: The ten commandments! Tell us more!

MOSES: They’re very clear rules that should help us avoid the societal problems we’ve been having. For example, commandment number six, thou shalt not murder!

FOLLOWER: Thou shalt not murder! It makes so much sense, we’ve had so many problems with murder recently!

MOSES: Sorry, I hadn’t finished. It’s ‘Thou shalt not murder after 10 PM’.

FOLLOWER: Wait, what?

MOSES: If we all agree to a hard stop on murder from 10 PM, we’re confident that should eradicate the problem.

FOLLOWER: But what about all the time until 10 PM?

MOSES: Oh, well everything will continue is as is until 10 PM. We didn’t want things to be too restrictive, you know?

FOLLOWER: I just… look, I don’t think the time is the problem here, it’s…

MOSES: Do you question the word of God?

FOLLOWER: I just think we should be listening to our top scientists on this.

MOSES: You’re aware of God’s views on the scientific community. Those guys are just trying to cause trouble.

FOLLOWER: Ok, fine… so the ten commandments, what else do you have?

MOSES: Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s wife! … After 10 PM.

FOLLOWER: (SIGHS) Ok, again, I have to take issue with this.

MOSES: What now?

FOLLOWER: Look, first of all let me just say that as a wife who spends most of her day being coveted by her neighbours, nobody is more in favour of that part than me. It’s the 10 PM thing I have a problem with.

MOSES: There are a lot of jobs reliant on the coveting wife industry. We’re worried that by restricting it too much we’ll damage our economy.

FOLLOWER: These aren’t going to solve anything! People are just going to get their murdering and wife coveting in before 10 PM instead!

MOSES: Ok, but what if I told you that as well as that, we’ve also introduced a commandment that means that no more than six people can covet the same wife at any one time.

FOLLOWER: That doesn’t help either!

MOSES: Keep your coveting to one metre plus?

FOLLOWER: Oh my God, this is ridiculous!

MOSES: Heathen! You have broken rule number three: Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vai- oh, wait, it’s after 10 so it’s fine.


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