Carl sighed as he sat in his bedroom sharpening a coathanger. He put down his knife for a moment and began to search through one of his cabinet drawers, looking for some kind of surgical mask. This was a futile pursuit. Both Carl and the cabinet knew that he had never owned a surgical mask. He would just have to tie one of his Superdry t-shirts around his face. He returned to sharpening the coathanger. It was pretty sharp now he’d say. Obviously it wasn’t ideal, but it would have to do until he could get to the kitchen. He picked up his keyboard, fastened the t-shirt tightly around his mouth and nose, and slowly sauntered downstairs.
He could hear the noise nearby as he did. The loud breathy sound of seven heads exhaling at once. Carl stood on the third step for a moment, mentally preparing himself for what lay around the corner. He gave himself a quick motivational speech, something about being a man my son or whatever, and then rounded the corner.
Carl was surprised to see that the room looked decidedly empty. He could still hear the breathing, but he couldn’t tell where it was coming from. He nervously took a few more steps into the room, careful to keep his wits about him at all times. Armed with his coathanger in one hand, and utilising his keyboard as a makeshift shield in the other, he slowly began to approach the sofa at the back of the room. Surely it must be hiding behind this? Where else could it be? He raised his coathanger, ready to strike, and leapt behind the sofa. His heart skipped a beat in horror as he saw that there was nothing there. Then, a high pitched scream filled the room. Carl turned around to face it just in time to be hit in the face by a video recorder. He toppled backwards, and fell into his crockery cabinet, smashing everything. The Hydra charged towards him and exhaled in his face. His Superdry t-shirt deflected most of the poison breath, but it rendered him a bit woozy. He took a swipe at the Hydra with his coathanger, severing one of the heads. The Hydra stumbled backwards, temporarily stunned. Such dizziness did not last long however, as no more than three seconds later it had sprouted an extra two heads to compensate. Carl swore to himself, and lunged once more. Deflecting a bite from head number four with his keyboard, he slashed again at the Hydra, this time into its body. The Hydra did not take much notice, and penetrated Carl’s defences with head number two. It smashed into Carl’s chest and sent him crashing backwards onto the coffee table, which promptly broke. Carl rolled away up just as heads two, three and five crashed down around him. He picked up a piece of shattered chocolate digestive which he been lying on the table and threw it at the Hydra, who quickly digested it. There was a moment of baffled silence whilst both combatants tried to work out exactly what Carl had been hoping to achieve. The Hydra raised sixteen eyebrows simultaneously. Carl shrugged. The Hydra picked up a DVD of ‘She’s All That’ from a shelf and threw it at Carl’s face. It hit him square on the nose. Blood streamed onto his t-shirt. He knew his slightly feminine DVD collection would come back to haunt him.
Carl turned and ran into the kitchen. The Hydra followed him in hot pursuit. Carl withdrew a knife from a drawer, and slashed again at the Hydra. Another lost head was quickly replaced by two more. Carl was really getting fed up of this now, and he let the Hydra know this by loudly telling him to go away. But in a more profanity strewn manner. The Hydra did not oblige, and wound Carl up further by turning on one of the taps. Brilliant, now Carl was not only being battered by a mythical beast, but he was paying for the privilege. Carl kicked the Hydra in the shin as he dodged another head. Unfortunately, the Hydra was wearing shinpads, so this had no effect. Carl opened the freezer door and ducked behind this for shelter. Searching through the drawers as he did, he found a tub of Rolo ice cream. He picked this up and ran towards the back door, the Hydra again just steps behind him. Carl opened the back door and threw the Rolo ice cream into the back garden. The Hydra charged out into the back garden, and Carl slammed the door behind him. Carl watched as the Hydra sat silently at the back of the garden, tucking into the ice cream. He breathed a sigh of relief. Why did this happen every time he purchased Rolo ice cream? He stared at the Hydra. The Hydra glanced back, his many faces covered in caramel. They both knew they would be doing the exact same thing next Friday. Carl turned the tap off and went back to bed.
