Jon: Garfield! Dinner time!

[Garfield comes bounding down the stairs]

Garfield: It’s about time Jon, I’ve been sat up there eating shards of my own leg for the past three hours, what the hell took you so long?

Jon: Well, I’m glad you asked, you see, I’ve prepared you a special treat for tonight…

Garfield: Oh Christ, you’ve not invited Glass Paul around to dance for us again have you? Because I’ll tell you now, I’m not hoovering him up this time.

Jon: Even better than that… Ta da!

Garfield: Jon, what the hell is this?

Jon: It’s lasagne! I thought you might enjoy it.

Garfield: Jon, you know I only eat tuna, what do you want me to do with this?

Jon: Just give it a try! You might like it!

Garfield: Jon, I’m a cat alright. Cats like fish. Nine out of ten cats have absolutely no idea what lasagne even is.

Jon: And what about the one who does?

Garfield: He hated it Jon. They all hate it.

Jon: But surely you can just give it a quick try… I mean, it took me a long time to make…

Garfield: Jon, I appreciate the effort and all, but I’d rather just have tuna.

Jon: Give. It. A. Try.

Garfield: … No.

Jon: Garfield, I’m not joking, if you don’t have a mouthful of lasagne I’ll burn your house down.

Garfield: Jon, you wouldn’t do that. You live here as well.

Jon: You think I wouldn’t? I’m not joking Garfield, I’ll do it.

Garfield: Go on then, call my bluff.

Jon: I’m lighting the match Garfield. I’m lighting the match. Oh yeah, do you see? Do you want the curtains to go up in flames Garfield? Is that what you want?

Garfield: Go on then John, light the curtains! See if I care! Heck, why not start by burning your stupid lasagne!

Jon: I STAYED UP ALL NIGHT MAKING THAT FOR YOU YOU UNGRATEFUL BASTARD! TRY MY LASAGNE!

Garfield: DO YOU EVEN HEAR YOURSELF JON? YOU STAYED UP ALL NIGHT BAKING A LASAGNE FOR A CAT! LASAGNE FOR A CAT JON! YOU’RE A MENTALIST! GO ON! BURN THE CURTAINS! KILL US BOTH!

Jon: OH I’LL BURN THE CURTAINS! AND THEN I’LL BURN YOUR BRIOCHE!

Garfield: YOU BAKED ME BRIOCHE AS WELL?! FOR FUCK’S SAKE JON WHAT ARE YOU SOME KIND OF ONE MAN CAT BAKERY?!

Jon: NOT YET! BUT MAYBE ONE DAY! OR SO I THOUGHT…!

[Jon sets light to the curtains]

Garfield: NICE JON! NICE WORK! START A FIRE! DO YOU WANT TO GO CALL THE FIRE BRIGADE OR ARE YOU TOO BUSY CHECKING YOUR CAT TIRAMISU?!

Jon: HOW THE HELL DID YOU KNOW ABOUT THE TIRAMISU! HAVE YOU BEEN IN THE FRIDGE AGAIN?

Garfield: SEEK HELP JON! YOU’RE NOT ALL THERE! YOU’RE NOT ALL THERE JON! MMM! CATS LOVE LASAGNE JON! OH YEAH! CATS LOVE LASAGNE!

[Garfield grabs some of the lasagne with his paw and scoops it into his mouth]

Garfield: TASTY LASAGNE FOR CATS JON! YOU MENTA- Actually, you know, that’s not too bad.

Jon: Really? You like my lasagne?

Garfield: I hate to say it, but I could quite easily get used to it.

Jon: Garfield?

Garfield: Yes Jon?

Jon: I love you.

Garfield: That’s… good.

Jon: Garfield?

Garfield: Yeah?

Jon: You’re on fire.

Garfield: Goodbye Jon.