Episode 5: Glass Paul goes to the fairground.

Paul: “You know I don’t like the fairground. It never goes well.”

John: “Oh, calm down Paul! Just chill out and have some candy floss won’t you?”

Paul: “I don’t like candy floss, not after last time…”

John: “That was just bad luck, you can’t live your life worrying about everything going wrong. Now come on, let’s have a go on the waltzers!”

Paul: “Oh fine… come on then, let’s get to those waltzers!”

John: “Two please.” [Hands over change/cue tannoy announcement along the lines of 'LET'S GET READY TO RUMMBBBLLLLLEEEEE over the top of some 70s music that sounds like audio wallpaper paste]

Paul: “You know, I’m not sure this was such a good idea…”

John: “What’s wrong?”

Paul: “It’s just… it’s picking up speed and you know, it’s…”

[Paul crashes from one side of the waltzer into John, there is the sound of breaking glass]

John: “Ow! Fucking hell Paul! Yo-”

[Paul slams against John again]

Paul: “ARGH! MY SHOULDER! I THINK MY SHOULDER HAS SHATTERED!”

John: “Stop the waltzers! Stop them! No, no! No we don’t need spinning thanks! No, ple-”

[Fairgroundy man spins the waltzers. Paul slams into John again.]

Paul: “OH MY GOD I THINK MY FOOT JUST BROKE OFF!”

John: “Paul! You’re falling apart, get out, get off while you still can!”

Paul: “I’m trying! Help me lift this harness!”

[Together they slowly manage to lift the harness. As Paul is getting up it comes crashing back down on him.]

Paul: “MY KNEES! MY KNEES ARE BROKEN!”

John: “Crawl away Paul! Just crawl away before it’s too late! No, no, not that way!”

Paul: “HELP ME I’M CAUGHT IN THE MACHINERY!”

John: “STOP THE WALTZERS! HE’S CAUGHT IN THE COGS! ABORT THE WALTZERS! ABORT! ABORT!”

[There is the sound of shattering glass]

John: “GLASS PAULLLLLLLLLLL!”

♫ GLASS PAUL! GLASS PAULLLLLL! HE WAS MEANT TO BE A VASE BUT NOW HE’S NOT! GLASS PAULLLLLL! ♪

Episode 6: Glass Paul adopts a rescue dog.

John: “Have you made your mind up?”

Paul: “I don’t know, they’re all so nice I’d take them all home if I could.”

John: “Well, I’m afraid we can only take one, so you’ll have to make your mind up.”

Paul: “Yeah… I know.”

John: “Hey! I’ve got an idea! Why not spend some time with each of the dogs on these conveniently placed waltzers!”

Paul: “Well that seems like a good idea. It would help me get to know them I suppose if we were alone on the waltzers.”

John: “Ok, you go sit on the waltzers. I’ll go get the first dog.”

Paul: “Okey dokey.”

[Paul goes and sits down on the waltzers, as John goes to fetch a dog.]

John: “Ok, here we are! This is Buttons, the labrador you liked.”

Dog handler: “Oh everybody loves Buttons! He’s such a friendly chap! Come on boy, up! Up!”

[Buttons jumps on the waltzer]

John: “Right, we’ll just harness you in so that you’re safe, and you know, don’t crash against the sides! We wouldn’t want that to happen again!”

Paul: “Ha! I’m glad you brought that up! I was slightly concerned that that might happen again! Thank goodness I’m safe now!”

John: “Ok, that all looks safe. Now you and Buttons just enjoy the ride and you can decide whether you like him. Ok! Start the waltzers!”

[The waltzers start moving]

Dog handler: “Hold on a second, that’s not Buttons… Buttons doesn’t have that mark on his thigh!”

John: “Then who’s that?”

Dog handler: “Oh my god, that’s Gordon the labrador that hates refraction!”

John: “No! No way! How could this happen?!”

Dog handler: “They look sort of the same I guess!”

Paul: “Good Buttons. You’re a friendly hound…”

John: “So when those disco lights come on then he’ll start to refra… Christ! Don’t turn the lights on! Abort the lights! Abort! Abort!”

[The disco lights begin to flash]

Paul: “BUTTONS NO! BUTTTONNNNNNNNSSSSSSS!”

[There is the sound of shattering glass]

John: “GLASS PAULLLLLLLLL!”

♫ GLASS PAUL! GLASS PAULLLLLL! HE COULD EASILY HAVE BEEN A SET OF CROCKERY BUT THEN HE WASN’T. GLASS PAULLLLLLL! ♪