AND I’M NOT LETTING THEM GO UNTIL YOU ALL GET OFF THAT DAMN HILL AND STOP SINGING ABOUT YOUR MULLER FRUIT CORNERS.
I thought I’d vent here about my loathing of the Muller Fruit Corner advert that’s on TV at the moment. If you’ve seen it, you’ll know what I’m talking about, because as far as I can tell, there’s only really one possible reaction you can have to this advert, and that’s the urge to destroy it. I dare say I can’t remember even having the urge to punch a yoghurt before, but right now I’m tempted to go down to my local food emporium (or shop as they’re often know) and just go crazy. I honestly don’t know why I care so much, I think it’s because often a lovely evening sat watching something good on TV can be completely ruined by the sudden introduction of some momumental berks running around with a giant picture of a biscuit shouting “I’VE GOT MY BISCUIT! GOT ME CRUNCH!” It doesn’t even appear to be ‘my crunch’, no, it’s ‘me crunch’. Seriously, if you’re going to make an advert that instills such hatred, don’t make it worse for yourselves by allowing bad grammar to make the cut as well, then you’re just asking for trouble.
It’s probably a sign of how uneventful my days have become that something so small has got me so worked up now, but I really can’t understand how they ever thought this would be a good idea. “Yeah, I’ve got this idea right, you know how people love Muller Fruit Corners?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, what is it that they love about them?”
“I don’t know. What is it that they love about them?”
“It’s the bits in the corner innit? Without them it’s just yoghurt.”
“Ok, so what are you saying?”
“Let’s make an advert based entirely around the bits in the corner.”
“Well, that seems fairly reasonable, how do you want to go about that?”
“Well I’ve had this thought, and just run with this… what about we get a group of people to carry giant pictures of fruits that they may or may not actually enjoy around the countryside, all the while shouting how they possess those fruits?”
“Go on…”
“We could even rope in a child actor to come in and sing about how he’s got his blueberries in an almost cartoonishly childish voice. Of course, though we intend for him to be viewed in a positive light, as let’s face it, it’s always genius when children do things, in actuality he’ll fast become the hate-figure of the whole piece, the only one who people’ll really remember as being responsible for the whole mess because he stands out like a sore thumb. That’ll teach him for having his blueberries.”
“I thought you were in favour of this advert?”
“I was, but during my last speech I appear to have morphed into an entirely different character.”
“Ok, so we’ve got this young boy who sings about having blueberries, what else?”
“Crikey, I haven’t thought about the rest… ok, hold on, how about this, we’ll rope in a Geordie woman to sing about the more crunchy corners available.”
“What will she say?”
“‘I’ve got my crunch’ would seem reasonable.”
“Hmm… it just doesn’t sound right somehow.”
“What about ‘me crunch’? Because let’s face it, everybody north of London is an illiterate fool.”
“Perfect. Anything else?”
“How about at the end we get them to share their yoghurts with each other by vomiting them into each others mouths?”
“Hmm… I don’t know…”
“Or they could maybe all hold up their signs together?”
“Gold! We’ve done it again!”
*clink glasses*
I’m going to stop now. I intended to have a constructive day, but I seem to just be spending my time ranting about yoghurts. This is bad. BYEEEEEEEEE.
